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A
normal human brain before having cricket
explained... |
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...and
moments after. |
The tea towel explanation of cricket is a comic description of
the game that has been current in the UK
since the 1980s. It was made popular when
the text was printed on a best-selling tea
towel. The Grades
version was added in 2006
with that league's curious variation on the
game.
The text runs as follows:
"You have two sides, one out in the
field and one in. Each man that's in the
side that's in, goes out and when he's
out, he comes in and the next man goes in
until he's out. When they are all out,
the side that's out comes in and the
side that's been in goes out and tries
to get those coming in, out. Sometimes
you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men
who are out try to get him out, and when
he is out he goes in and the next man in
goes out and goes in. There are two men
called umpires who stay out all the time
and they decide when the men who are in
are out. When both sides have been in
and all the men have been out, and both
sides have been out twice after all the
men have been in, including those who
are not out, that is the end of the
game".
What makes this explanation so funny is
that it actually makes complete sense,
though to a non-initiate it is
understandably incomprehensible.
The
Aberdeenshire Cricket Association (Grades)
version
"You have two sides, one out in the field
and one in. The side that is in is trying to
win, as is the side that is out, but not in.
But once the side that was out, but not in,
becomes the side that is in, the side that
was in, but is now out, (even if not all of
their men were out, when they were in), must
get all the men, of the side that is in,
out and, if all the men, of the side that is
in, are out, then the side that is out, but
not in, wins. However, if the side that is
in decide they can't win, then the men in
the side that is in, try not to get out, (even
if they're in) and the men, waiting to come in,
hope the men, who are in, stay out so that
they don't have to go out and try to stay
in. The side who is out hope the men who are
in, get out, so they can get the men who come
in, out. The side who is out (but not in) are
still trying to win, but the side who is in,
(but not all out) are no longer trying to
win. If two of the men (of the side that is
in) are not out, then the side that is out (trying to win) and the side that is in, but
not out (and not trying to win), draw. And
neither the side that is in, but not out,
and the side that was out, but not in (and
trying to get the side that is in, out),
wins".
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