A juvenile Siporta drinking from a dogs bowl and wearing a rudimentary nappy made from froth.

The discovery, in a remote part of Turkey, of a modern day family who walk on their hands and feet, has led to increased research into other (so called) "Missing Link" societies.

Researchers, from the Anthropology department at Aberdeen University, were amazed to find a similar community in a quiet part of the North East of Scotland. Their studies, of this primitive social group, who inhabit the Castle Park cricket ground (home to Huntly C.C.) and exhibit extreme tribalism (with no apparent awareness of modern culture or morality), have revealed that the perceived civilizing influence of cricket may be a myth.

This sub-species of Homosapiens, known as the Huntly Siportas, have their own language, a gutteral form of the local Huntly dialect which remains, to date, largely undecipherable, perhaps due to the effects of great intakes of alcohol, utilised in religious rituals. High instances of mutation indicate that there might be physical abnormalities that would interfere with normal speech development.

Social behavior

Huntly Siportas appear to shy away from direct contact with other groups, even the local Huntly population. They prefer to remain within the family group and may, in fact, inbreed, this would partly explain their sociopathic nature and their seeming ignorance of modern conveniences (toilets especially). That they do not appear to ever wash, would suggest that scent is used for identification and communication. Indeed, Siportas may be able to smell each other over great distances.

Religion

Their religious beliefs seem to have evolved around the local cricket team, although the exact nature of their "devotion" is contentious. They offer "siport" (hence the tribes name) to Huntly C.C. primarily by chanting derogatory (often racist) remarks at the opposition players, fuelled by excessive amounts of alcohol (and, possibly, drugs). However, they are also known to turn their attentions towards their own club, in equally abrasive fashion.

Language

A primitive version of the local Huntly dialect, itself a greatly corrupted form of English. A key phrase in their society is "Faakaf yezcheeten buggirz" which has been partly translated as "we fear you, you are unwelcome here". This is another indication of their non-interaction with higher levels of human society.

Dispersal

The Huntly Siportas are indigenous to the town of Huntly, but they may once have been nomadic. Studies on similar groups in other rural communities, reveal many of the same behavior patterns and religious practices. Urban Siporta species are less widespread, their integration into a normal human society made easier by the more cosmopolitan, less insular nature of city life. The majority of Siporta species remain confined to rural areas.

(Note: the Huntly Siportas are not ethnically related to the Engerland Siportas, who are a separate distinct order of primates) 

This page was last updated Friday, 16 February 2007